I was thinking about all the times I lost to a bully...times I got scared and chose survival over retaliation...How cowardly was it...I kept thinking if it was the same situation now I would have broken him in a 1000 ways...and then I imagined some real ugly things id do to that guy...all of a sudden I realize I am in the most comfortable bed in an air conditioned room and I just finished a lovely meal which I craved when I was a kid...what is this anger about, I asked myself. I didn't even remember their faces... nor the exact instance or time when those ugly things happened...I wasn't angry on them...I was angry on myself...for letting myself suffer...They left my life but made the bully out of me...
I bowed down and kept surviving... I think that was the most brave thing to do at that time...as I focused on moving ahead rather than stooping down to their levels,,. Even if that was driven by fear...Even though fear was the driver of my life... I am grateful of how I was to myself and thankful that I did my best to survive for my future...
I thank my past self for all the gifts I have in my present
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