The Bully!

I was thinking about all the times I lost to a bully...times I got scared and chose survival over retaliation...How cowardly was it...I kept thinking if it was the same situation now I would have broken him in a 1000 ways...and then I imagined some real ugly things id do to that guy...all of a sudden I realize I am in the most comfortable bed in an air conditioned room and I just finished a lovely meal which I craved when I was a kid...what is this anger about, I asked myself. I didn't even remember their faces... nor the exact instance or time when those ugly things happened...I wasn't angry on them...I was angry on myself...for letting myself suffer...They left my life but made the bully out of me...

I bowed down and kept surviving... I think that was the most brave thing to do at that time...as I focused on moving ahead rather than stooping down to their levels,,. Even if that was driven by fear...Even though fear was the driver of my life... I am grateful of how I was to myself and thankful that I did my best to survive for my future...

I thank my past self for all the gifts I have in my present

Travel diary 13th Nov 2021…..Nashik Trimbkeshwar

I never had a sense of belonging anywhere...whether it was a group, home, culture, company, religion or society… I always felt I am just here to watch and observe but never really associate myself with anything. Its not that bad as it makes you think independently and not be a part of any dogma, however it does leave you a bit lonely

This trip proved it all wrong as I was looking at a very small place to get a sense of that belonging… what I didn’t realize is, the more I explore the more I’ll feel a part of it… that I belong everywhere… it’s a humbling experience to see a never ending road to the horizon surrounded by the mountains of Nashik… these mountains never let you feel alone … you’ll always feel they are watching over you like they have watched the beautiful history of Nashik .. where Laxman cut off shoorpanakhas nose (Nashika) and its name came into existence… where Pandavas sought refuge during their vanvas (who also crowned the Jyotirlinga of Shiva), where the great and righteous Maratha’s ruled…

When you pass these mountains and smell the air you feel like a part of that history…all these years of egotistical living …my education, my career, my ambition, my life… while I am not even a blink of an eye in this entire existence… this feeling is both humbling and liberating… I feel its our innate need to be a part of this nature and to explore this beautiful place we call Earth. Stop belonging and explore.. I always loved this famous quote… “I have an insane calling to be where I’m not”

PS: Heres a picture of me (chashmish) and my friends.. We all went through the same emotions throughout the journey and our bond has only gotten stronger...